Sometimes I need to get used to my own insignificance.
"... At most I am a heavy and clumsy pestle
Mashing good and bad together
For a little taste
And a little fragrance.
Arrows do not direct me. I conduct
My business carefully and quietly
Like a long will that began to be written
The moment I was born.
Now I stand at the side of the street
Weary, leaning on a parking meter.
I can stand here for nothing, free.
I'm not a car, I'm a person,
A (wo) man-god, a god-(wo) man
Whose days are numbered.”
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Love After Love: Derek Walcott
Just saw this poem on a friend's page on Facebook and connected with it instantly. How often do we forget to value ourselves, swayed over by our love for others.
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
I am counting hours, waiting for Friday evening. I look forward to spending the weekend doing nothing. Maybe just curling up with the as-yet-unopened Puja Barshikis that Maa and Baba brought with them from Cal. And maybe, just maybe, brushing up on my French lessons. And what about having some biriyani? And to top of it off with ice-cream with brownies? Ahhh..what bliss!
Frankfurt on the last day was kinda cool. Though I was obsessing over the fact that I had mis-planned my whole trip and that I should have stayed one more day in Berlin so that I could pay a visit to Sachsenhausen, which has a Concentration Camp Memorial, the last day turned out pretty ok. One of the great big advantages of traveling alone is that you are forced to make new friends, and so that is how I contacted AK, who's a friend of a friend of mine I went to college with. AK, a PhD degree holder in Physics from Oxford now lives and works in Frankfurt. The advantages of going sight-seeing with a local guy is that he'll know about obscure details like which shop stocks the cheapest German chocolates, the kind I want to know when I am travelling to Europe. So AK picked me up from my hostel and we roamed around the city for quite a while, went on a cruise on Main river which has some awesome views of the city riverfront, and finally had some German dinner: a highpoint certainly, thinking that it was my first turkey dish!
What I loved about Frankfurt (and this is true in general about European cities) is how they have maintained their heritage with the lovely old buildings that were rebuilt after the war in exactly the same style, the cobbled roads which have not been concretised, the squeaky-clean statues which are free from bird-shit, colorful trams that made me feel sad for the rickety ones back in Calcutta, lots of museums and open-spaces that had a happy feel about that, not the feeling of neglected, dark buildings which nobody bothered to visit in India. Oh and the river. Very tough anti-pollution laws in place that nobody dares to break by bribing the authorities. A clean river that brings much beauty to the city, lined with tree-shaded roads where I could see people jogging, cycling or walking even in that cold weather. A scene that onec again brough back unhappy memories of the Yamuna in Delhi and the Ganga in Cal, rivers nearly choking in its own filth, slowly dying, unloved and uncared for.
What I loved about Frankfurt (and this is true in general about European cities) is how they have maintained their heritage with the lovely old buildings that were rebuilt after the war in exactly the same style, the cobbled roads which have not been concretised, the squeaky-clean statues which are free from bird-shit, colorful trams that made me feel sad for the rickety ones back in Calcutta, lots of museums and open-spaces that had a happy feel about that, not the feeling of neglected, dark buildings which nobody bothered to visit in India. Oh and the river. Very tough anti-pollution laws in place that nobody dares to break by bribing the authorities. A clean river that brings much beauty to the city, lined with tree-shaded roads where I could see people jogging, cycling or walking even in that cold weather. A scene that onec again brough back unhappy memories of the Yamuna in Delhi and the Ganga in Cal, rivers nearly choking in its own filth, slowly dying, unloved and uncared for.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Goodbye Berlin
Ok so I am finally back in Frankfurt, and I leave for home on the 5th. But my adventures in Berlin must be written down, especially since my hostel gives me free internet.
Yesterday started off on a bad note. I was supposed to go to the Hildesheim station with this other Indian presenter, and I was like 5 minutes late. And when I came down what did I find? That he'd already left! I couldn't believe that. I went up all the way to his room and kept knocking, thinking that he was late. I wanted to catch the train to hannover at 6.40 am and wasted at least 10 precious minutes in trying to trace him. I was lucky enough to have the housekeeper in the kitchen at 6 am and she very kindly offered to call for a cab and that's how I reached the station at 6.10.
And then began the next drama. The ticket vending machine was in German, and I didn't understand how the English version worked. Caught hold of the very next man I could see who clicked some buttons and then professed his utter ignorance of English. Asked another man who looked like a janitor who took me upstairs to a cubicle where two girls sat with very stern expressions (Germans don't laugh easily I have noticed), who told me very politely that though they could speak English they couldn't help me in buying tickets. All this when the clock was ticking towards 6.40. Came down again and again approached two men, one of whom spoke English. Both were reeking of alcohol but with my panic I was beyond caring. They kept shuttling me back and forth between two machines, and finally I ended up buying a ticket for Hannover and not for Berlin. This was just 5 minutes before the train came onto the platform.
Reached Hannover at 7.05 am and rushed to buy another ticket to Berlin. Well, didn't really rush, much as I wanted to. I dragged myself and the suitcase (which put on weight especially when I was lugging it around)down to where the ticket counter was, from where I learnt that the next train to Berlin was leaving in exactly 4 minutes. I nearly died of breathlessness as I rushed back upstairs again to catch the U Bahn. As I reached the train, I found that I was just not able to breathe anymore. The young guy behind me very sweetly offered to pull my suitcase up. 7.21 am:on my way to Berlin finally.
Ok now Berlin has many stations, and being guided by another woman I got down a station ahead of Berlin HBF which was my main destination. So I had to get onto another train which finally reached Berlin at 9.30 am. Now I had to find a place for keeping my bags. Rushed to the policemen (bless them..they have saved me on a few occasions), who very kindly accompanied me to the luggage room. Jumped on a train to the Zoo station at 9.40 am and managed to reach the starting point for the Insiders' Walking tour of Berlin at 10.
The next 5 hours were a maze of walking through East Berlin, through the Museum Island, Checkpoint Charlie, remains of the Berlin Wall, memories of the Third Reich scattered everywhere, and finally a stop in front of the Brandenburg Gate just in time for the German Reunification celebrations. Didn't get my wish fulfilled of getting a pic clicked in front of the Wall. Guess it has to wait for a next time.
And if I had nursed thoughts of going back easily to the main station, God must have laughed cruelly. I found myself crushed between a sea of people, got caught in wrong directions and kept going around in circles, since the Brandenburg station was closed due to the celebrations. I was close to tears, nothing was running in that part of the city, when finally an angel appeared in the guise of an English speaker who advised me to walk down to Potsdam Platz station. I walked for at least 2-3 kilometres, got lost again, nearly took U Bahn instead of S Bahn again, before finally being rescued by two girls who showed me where the Platz U Bhan was.
At Potsdam Platz I found a tiny bit of the wall still left standing so I requested a very distinguished looking man with salt and pepper hair (the kind that Clooney has, and the kind that turns me on) to click a photo which he very happily obliged and even volunteered to take one more. Feeling happy I reached the U Bahn, got lost again, and spoke to various people, including the Police, and felt like a shuttle cock before I finally boarded the right train to Berlin. Oh and I was pushed by what looked like a group of neo-nazis..the ones with punk look, and green and pink hair. Landed at Berlin HBF at 6. What relief!! Nearly wanted to fall on my knees and thank the God above for ending my ordeals. Had a burger in Macdonalds, my only meal of the day before I picked up my luggage again. Of course the ticketing machine wouldn't take my money there and I caused a mini-riot inside the locker because I misunderstood the man's wild hand-gestures and thought I would have to bring my bags back myself. Found a lot of shouting and 4 men rushing in my directions, before I realised my mistake.
Anyways, reached back Frankfurt at 11 pm. No more surprises on the way, and it was all peaceful. Whew..what a day it was!
Yesterday started off on a bad note. I was supposed to go to the Hildesheim station with this other Indian presenter, and I was like 5 minutes late. And when I came down what did I find? That he'd already left! I couldn't believe that. I went up all the way to his room and kept knocking, thinking that he was late. I wanted to catch the train to hannover at 6.40 am and wasted at least 10 precious minutes in trying to trace him. I was lucky enough to have the housekeeper in the kitchen at 6 am and she very kindly offered to call for a cab and that's how I reached the station at 6.10.
And then began the next drama. The ticket vending machine was in German, and I didn't understand how the English version worked. Caught hold of the very next man I could see who clicked some buttons and then professed his utter ignorance of English. Asked another man who looked like a janitor who took me upstairs to a cubicle where two girls sat with very stern expressions (Germans don't laugh easily I have noticed), who told me very politely that though they could speak English they couldn't help me in buying tickets. All this when the clock was ticking towards 6.40. Came down again and again approached two men, one of whom spoke English. Both were reeking of alcohol but with my panic I was beyond caring. They kept shuttling me back and forth between two machines, and finally I ended up buying a ticket for Hannover and not for Berlin. This was just 5 minutes before the train came onto the platform.
Reached Hannover at 7.05 am and rushed to buy another ticket to Berlin. Well, didn't really rush, much as I wanted to. I dragged myself and the suitcase (which put on weight especially when I was lugging it around)down to where the ticket counter was, from where I learnt that the next train to Berlin was leaving in exactly 4 minutes. I nearly died of breathlessness as I rushed back upstairs again to catch the U Bahn. As I reached the train, I found that I was just not able to breathe anymore. The young guy behind me very sweetly offered to pull my suitcase up. 7.21 am:on my way to Berlin finally.
Ok now Berlin has many stations, and being guided by another woman I got down a station ahead of Berlin HBF which was my main destination. So I had to get onto another train which finally reached Berlin at 9.30 am. Now I had to find a place for keeping my bags. Rushed to the policemen (bless them..they have saved me on a few occasions), who very kindly accompanied me to the luggage room. Jumped on a train to the Zoo station at 9.40 am and managed to reach the starting point for the Insiders' Walking tour of Berlin at 10.
The next 5 hours were a maze of walking through East Berlin, through the Museum Island, Checkpoint Charlie, remains of the Berlin Wall, memories of the Third Reich scattered everywhere, and finally a stop in front of the Brandenburg Gate just in time for the German Reunification celebrations. Didn't get my wish fulfilled of getting a pic clicked in front of the Wall. Guess it has to wait for a next time.
And if I had nursed thoughts of going back easily to the main station, God must have laughed cruelly. I found myself crushed between a sea of people, got caught in wrong directions and kept going around in circles, since the Brandenburg station was closed due to the celebrations. I was close to tears, nothing was running in that part of the city, when finally an angel appeared in the guise of an English speaker who advised me to walk down to Potsdam Platz station. I walked for at least 2-3 kilometres, got lost again, nearly took U Bahn instead of S Bahn again, before finally being rescued by two girls who showed me where the Platz U Bhan was.
At Potsdam Platz I found a tiny bit of the wall still left standing so I requested a very distinguished looking man with salt and pepper hair (the kind that Clooney has, and the kind that turns me on) to click a photo which he very happily obliged and even volunteered to take one more. Feeling happy I reached the U Bahn, got lost again, and spoke to various people, including the Police, and felt like a shuttle cock before I finally boarded the right train to Berlin. Oh and I was pushed by what looked like a group of neo-nazis..the ones with punk look, and green and pink hair. Landed at Berlin HBF at 6. What relief!! Nearly wanted to fall on my knees and thank the God above for ending my ordeals. Had a burger in Macdonalds, my only meal of the day before I picked up my luggage again. Of course the ticketing machine wouldn't take my money there and I caused a mini-riot inside the locker because I misunderstood the man's wild hand-gestures and thought I would have to bring my bags back myself. Found a lot of shouting and 4 men rushing in my directions, before I realised my mistake.
Anyways, reached back Frankfurt at 11 pm. No more surprises on the way, and it was all peaceful. Whew..what a day it was!
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